Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I'm holding this door for humanity, not you...

I am still weighing what type of stuff is "blog worthy" and what type of stuff is simply self-indulgent, so forgive me if this falls squarely in the latter category (which it clearly does).

I'm a pathological door holder. It's not a nice, healthy thing. I'm practically obsessed with it. When I've spaced out or simply fail to see someone approaching a door I might have held, it feels like I've committed a great sin. I believe revolving doors were created by The Devil.

Because of this, I go out of my way to hold doors for as many people as possible: the elderly (of course), pregnant women (ditto), smoking hot women, short people, tall people, rude people (generally folks with bluetooth), smart-looking people, slack-jawed people, people carrying boxes, and even people wearing t-shirts that say things like "Thank God I Voted for Bush," or "From my Cold, Dead, Hands."

I'm not sure where I picked up this trait. To most it comes across as a simple, polite gesture. Some really don't care, and I'm pretty sure smoking hot women think I'm hitting on them (I would imagine men who date smoking hot women and/or men who date smoking hot men have the same concern, but I think they're better at hiding their disdain). A side note for smoking hot women and smoking hot men: get over yourself, I'm holding this door for humanity, not you...

I really shouldn't stereotype smoking hot men and women, because the truth is there are generally two different types of reactions when I hold doors for people, and there is no discernible predictor of where folks will fall. One reaction is a simple acknowledgement of my (admittedly less-than-altruistic) act and an immediate check to see if someone else would benefit from a door being held. The second group walks through the door, often avoiding eye contact. I do not like people in the second group.

Because I put so much weight in door-holding, I often find myself conflicted when the guy wearing the "Thank God I Voted for Bush" t-shirt turns out to be a committed door-holder and someone wearing a "Save Darfur" t-shirt turns out to be a cold-hearted and selfish dink. I would like to save Darfur (I'd also like to walk to Park Street Station without being bombarded by pamphlets and guilt, but that's whole 'nother bag of peaches), but I think God would be against a missile shield. I REALLY think He/She would hold the door for a pregnant woman.

Regardless of one's views on God's gender, The Devil, missile shields or Darfur, how hard is it to hold a door?

1 comment:

Andy Katz said...

I consider myself to be a door holder. Even for obsessive door holders, there is a critical threshold which you face when you must decide....to hold or not to hold. I believe it to be 5 seconds (from human recognition to their door arrival). Go ahead...count 5 seconds. That's a long time to hold a door. And when you cross that line (especially for a smoking hot woman or man), there could be a feeling of awkwardness.