South Dakota Bowling Alley Mixes It Up

Bandit Lanes, the bowling alley at Ellsworth Air Force Base in Rapid City, South Dakota, underwent a major renovation in July. The $254,000 project included pinsetters, a fog machine, and a salad bar. Yes...a salad bar. Thousand Island dressing is now available with your bowling experience--combining two of my friend Tim's greatest passions (in case it wasn't clear, Tim enjoys bowling and eating salad with Thousand Island dressing).

The salad bar has been instantly recognized as one of the most unsanitary salad bars in the world. Shared shoes, dirty bowling balls, and fresh lettuce. Don't forget to take a fresh plate each time you return to the line.

Bandit Lanes pinsetter mechanic, Ron England, commented,

"We will be installing top-of-the-line lighting and sound systems, plus adding a fog machine," "The black lights used for Cosmic Bowling will now stretch as far back as the tabled seating behind the lane area."

This is where you will be eating your salads so you can see all the germ-infested areas on your plate.

This story also spurs the question: What is your favorite vegetable to eat while bowling? Think about it.

Bandit Lanes Improved [Black Hills Patriot]

Michigan Couple Is Not Dead, Rather Married

In the past four years, I've attended about twenty weddings. When it comes down to it, most weddings are the same. They all have a ceremony and a reception. There is food served with some sort of entertainment provided. Some traditions are followed. Photos are snapped. Speeches are delivered.

One way you can really set your wedding apart is by selecting an unforgettable location. In twenty years, nobody is going to remember how the Filet tasted or what type of flowers were in the centerpiece. But, they will probably remember if your wedding was overlooking the Atlantic Ocean or in the hall of a historic building.

Well...a couple in Michigan set out to be extremely unique in their venue selection. Jason and Rachael Storm held their wedding at Starks and Menchinger Family Funeral Home, where Jason is a funeral director. Both the ceremony and the reception (including dancing--I'm guessing it was a 10-piece band) was held at the home.

Jason Storm (the groom) said,

"I look at it as, if you go to a church and get married, how many caskets do you think have been rolled down that aisle?"

This is precisely why I don't want to get married in a church.

Rachael Storm (the bride) said,

"I'm very accustomed to what he does. The one thing I'm very much about is being unique."

Couldn't you have maybe gone with a unique appetizer to accomplish that goal? Bacon wrapped in scallops?

Michigan couple tie the knot at funeral home [Yahoo News]

Straight From Tuscany, Olive Garden Graces Sioux City

Just when you think you've seen it all, humanity shocks us again. This one might have broken the unintentional comedy scale.

Gawker says it's the most Onion-like newspaper article in history. Pax Arcana says it is simply the greatest newspaper story ever written in the history of mankind and the whole wide universe.

According to an article in the Sioux City Journal, Olive Garden is coming to Sioux City! You would think this story could be amply finished with a simple... "on Monday." But....oh....you would be SO wrong!

My favorite quote from the article (and believe me, it was hard to choose):

"To recognize Hagarty's role as head of the Olive Garden family in Sioux City and to emphasize the importance the company places on its general managers, Olive Garden honored Hagarty by setting his name in stone. Travertine marble imported from Tuscany was chiseled with Hagarty's name and placed prominently by the front door."

Pax Arcana breaks it down better than a Bill Simmons running diary:

Olive Garden arrives in Sioux City and holy hell is the local paper excited about it